Cant Sleep!!!!
Posted 12 hours ago
Its about 3:30 in the morning and I CANNOT sleep for the life of me!! My mind is running a hundred miles per hour. I came home from the hospital around 10:30 and I was so down. My heart was just aching so bad for my son. He had a great day with his G-pa today, while I ran some errons. But, tonight Tray just wasn't feeling to good. I gave him a bath and changed his Central Line dressing. Tray LOVES his baths, but not tonight. He was screaming and crying like he was in so much pain or somthing, and it just broke my heart. I just wish so bad, that I could take all his pain and everything this little man has gone through and deal with it for him. I cant help to cry writing this update because Im so hurt and heart broken that my PRECIOUS baby boy has to go through this. I am accepting why Tray is having to go through this and accept that its Gods plan. But some days I dont exactly understand WHY?? Why my little boy????...(If that makes any sense) When hard trials happens to us like this, we may not completly understand why they are happening. But, later down the road I will understand why my son had cancer and had to go through what he did at such a young age. And I know I will be a much stronger Women and a better Mom because of it.... I just needed to come let this all out you guys!!!One of my friends on here always writes me such uplifting messages. She can relate with me alot because her son had cancer as well and has been through it all. Her son is "CANCER FREE" today and that encourages me sooo much not to give up hope!!!!! In one of her messages she said "when you feel like you are at the end of your rope!! TIE A KNOT". And thats exactly how I feel tonight. I feel like i am at the end of my rope, But I tied that knot and im hanging on tight because I WILL NOT give up hope or faith that my son will fight this. MIRACLES DO HAPPEN and I beieve that with all my heart..(Thanks Nonie)I love my son so much and just hate seeing what he has gone through. I never imagined how much I could love and care for someone so much in my life...IT'S AN AMAZING FEELING!!!! My son is my life, my rock AND MY LITTLE 6 MONTH OLD BABY!! He keeps me sain. I will do anything for my baby...AND THATS WHY IM HANGING ON TIGHT UNTIL HE GETS THROUGH THIS!!!!!!!!!! I WILL BE RIGHT BY YOUR SIDE SWEETIE, MOMMY IS RIGHT HERE AND ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE UNTIL YOUR WELL.... :)I just look at him and am so proud of him for hangin so tough. He is so brave and he is OUR hero!!! TRAVYN IS DETERMINED TO GET WELL!!! I CAN FEEL IT IN MY HEART!!!!
Well, thanks for letting me vent and let it out. I feel so much better now. Im gonna go try and get some sleep.
AND TO EVERYONE,THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR YOUR MESSAGES. EACH AND EVERYONE OF THEM GIVE ME STRENGTH AND ENCOURAGMENT......THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! LOVE YOU ALL, MORE THEN YOU WOULD EVER KNOW..